It maybe that the abuser told you that he would hurt you if you told anyone about the abuse, or maybe she threatened to hurt someone or something you love. Nobody in his right mind is going to test this threat to see whether it’s a bluff- to see if the abuser is just kidding. If someone threatened you with bodily harm or threatened someone you love, you have some very good reasons for not stopping the abuse. You probably figured that your suffering was keeping others safe. That’s logical. Don’t get upset with yourself if that’s what you believed.
It could be that the abuser simply told you that no one would believe you, or maybe he convinced you that the abuse was all your fault. These statements can be just as paralyzing as the threat of someone hurting you. If you are told something over and over- “You’ll go to jail if anyone find’s out,”- you begin to believe it. This doesn’t mean you’re stupid or haven’t any common sense; it means that you were being abused!
Another possibility is that you were made powerless by caring too much for the abuser. You may have wanted so much to be loved by the abuser that you disregarded your own feelings. Or you may have worried about the abuser’s getting hurt more than about your getting hurt.
If that’s your situation, you may have a harder time seeing what’s happening as abuse because it’s so wrapped up in love and special attention. The abuser may have told you over and over again how special you are, how important to his life you are, how no one else in the world satisfies him the way you do. This is pretty powerful stuff and can be really difficult to disbelieve.
If this is what’s happening to you, let’s do a reality check. Being special is important, but it doesn’t mean you have to ignore your own feelings and needs. Being special can help you feel good about yourself, but it doesn’t have to be at a cost. Being special doesn’t have to hurt.
Source: How long does it hurt? by Cynthia L. Mather and Kristina Debye
